You have to say it

Can you say it ? Please ?

I know I asked already but you never said it… again.
Some people are ok with it,
Navigating life with the unmovable confidence that they are adored and cared for because once and only once they were told :
“I love you”
“I miss you”.

So why can’t you say it, again, to me ?
Because I’m not like them,
Repetition is the name of my game to keep me assured that I will still be worthy of you tomorrow,
That yesterday wasn’t the last of my existence in your presence.

So say it, tonight, alright ?
Say it again because once was never enough,
Because love was never enough and if you don’t say it often then…
Wasn’t it all in vain ?
Does it even count ?
Does it even matter ?

If you only love me loudly when the sharp blade of your actions cut my soul deep enough for you to smell the blood then…
Like a wounded prey, I will lose all life force before you say it,
Unless you say it, for real.

Say it like you’re proud,
Say it like you’re sure,
Like you’ve been deemed messenger of the prophecy that is your unconditional love for me
Say it like you mean it,
Like in the beginning when you meant it,
But you didn’t have to say it,
Because I could see it.

That night you told me I was glowing.
When in reality I was but a lonely moon mirroring the sun in your eyes.
I find myself holding on to those past words like treasures,
In case you never say them again.
Will you say it ? At least I always have.
Every single tear I ever shed on the shrine of my ego is a testimony of my sincerity because I let mine die to make room for yours.
All I ask in return is for you to confirm that I made no mistake in praying for you to choose me.

I need to hear it once more, now,
To know if i can hear it, forever